Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in emopunkgrl777's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, October 6th, 2004
3:16 pm	Well Well Well Me and Matt have been just going around and people are all pist off and yeah... Adam's pist at him cuz he made me cry tho. Friday is the Homecoming dance and I am going to hang out with him. Then Friday before the Bonfire a bunch of us are going to dinner at Old Country Buffet and hanging out. Saturday is Greg's show tho, I cant wait for it. Current Music: "Walk Away (Maybe)"- GC (Comment on this)
Monday, October 4th, 2004
6:19 pm	This shitz fucked up! Me and Matt broke up. I always get a feeling when something bad's going to happen and I had it ALLLLL Saturday. So then I talked to him Saturday and he broke up with me. He told me it's because he doesnt need a serious relationship and thats what we were heading for. Then I found otu today that Saturday night he made out with sum girl Jen and all his friends were trying to get him to stop. The fucking kid cheated on me and he wasnt even going to tell me... thats fucked up. Now all these people are pist at him and wanna kick his ass. Everyone's telling me to be mad at him, but i can't. He made me fucking cry.....But yeah, I have a date Saturday with Justin. I finally gave in. I may go out with him too. I dunno. O yeah, the new Good Charlotte comes out tomorrow and I already heard the whole thing. Im getting tomorrow when I come home from school. Derek's not pist off at me by the way, he emailed me today and told me that he helped write one of the songs with Joel. The name of it is I Just Wanna Live. One of the lines talks about wearing a birthday suit and that was the part Derek told him. I couldnt believe it. Derek had to email me today to tell me about it and I've been waiting now for 6 months now for this thing to come out cuz I've known about them recording since I started talking to Bill and I have been waiting for it to come out so then I can get it. Derek really fucking looks like Derek tho, it kinda freaks me out. But that's ok. Well friday is the Homecoming Dance and me and Matt are still going together (I think, maybe...) then on Saturday is the Southcott/Greystar/Odds Against Tomorrow show which is my date with Justin. I dunno....its like every guy either a)uses me; or b) cheats on me. Why the fuck can't I find a good guy?? They all want to hurt me. If I really could, I would be with Derek and nothing would be wrong. But I know that he can't right now. I feel just upset, hurt, feel like crying. ALL i want right now is to be in Derek's arms and all set. That kid I swear is like my best friend or something else. He means A LOT to me. Current Mood: hurt Current Music: "I Just Wanna Live" (Derek's Song)- GC (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 2nd, 2004
1:32 am	HAHAHA Been a long time and I know. I've suddenly started to not be home as much as I was before. I never even have time to check my email or anything either. Well things were sarting between me and Derek for a lil while there, but now they are all weird. I got a boyfriend named Matt and I swear Derek is pissed off because of it. Why the fuck is he pist if he sat there telling me that I need someone that will give me the love I need and then when I do get a boyfriend, he gets all pissed off cuz it if??? thats fucked up! So I havent gotten an email from him in almost a week now... what the fuck am I going to do???? But anyways, Matt is a freshman, which I dont care about. I met him at the fair thing on the island when I was hanging out with Sasha. She got me to make out with him right after I met him. Then on Tuesday, he asked me out. So now I'm going out with him and I'm happy. I really am happy. He had a football game today so I wore his jersey yesterday at school. Everyone was looking at me weird cuz they know im not a school spirit person and also were asking who it was and who i was going out with. everyone is happy for me too. Next week is Homecoming and then on the 9th is Greg's show at Winners with Southcott. I get to see them again and then also get to see my friend Greg play there. I'm so excited. This week the new Good Charlotte cd comes out. But I've already been told by Derek which songs are good anyways, since Bill already gave him a copy. So now mom is buying it for me. Current Mood: happy Current Music: "Predictable" - GC (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 15th, 2004
5:59 pm	Ughhhh Well this sux. Im getting the feeling of giving up on the guys I have been trying to start something with. It really sux. Why cant I have one good thing for me???? I dont know what to do anymore. The whole think with TJ is soo fucked up. We havent really been talkign for the past week and it really sux ass. Why cant he see that I have been trying to talk to him and hang out with him. God damn this sux. Men suck unless one of them can prove me wrong and show they are good guys. I would love that. Current Mood: sad Current Music: "Tall Tales, Telltales"- Cursive (Comment on this)
Monday, September 13th, 2004
3:58 pm	Lookie!!! Im starting to not really get writing in here and it sux. I need to write more. I started School on the 7th and it was crazy.. freshmen everywhere. Why are there so many of them this year?? On the 8th i starte Vo-Tech in Albany and its ok. I met a few people that I'm friends with and i admit i saw a few guys i think are hot.. with that emo/skater/punk style.. hell yea. My day is very easy. Periods 1-5: Vo-Tech 6:American Lit. 7:Us History 8: Study hall 9:gym/chorus so i like it... i go to the library for study hall just to get out of sitting there in a really hott room and go somewhere air conditioned. It's kewl. Anyways, I really havent been looking for another boyfriend but i still do like TJ. i have been talking to him like every day. usually tho i get a feeling of loneliness and i havent been getting that. im actually content the way things are. Yeah, it would be kewl if i were to go out with him but with both of us in school, me always gone, him at work, and we both in different Vo-Tech school it's kinda hard. I talk to him like towards midnight. But ok, im having fun with my friends with me and doing my thing. But TJ's so cute and awsome. Current Mood: happy Current Music: "Big Apple Heartbreak"- Yellowcard (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 2nd, 2004
12:00 pm	Im very happy today! Well last night was a great night. Well I was really bored yesterday afternoon and called Aimee to have her go do sumthin for me. She called up Tj on 3 way with me and asked him if he thought i was cute. He said ya.... and he also said that he had called me earlier to ask me to go to a fair with him. So I called him right back and he asked me. Then later on i went down to visit him while he was working. So then later on he called me when he got out fo work and asked if he could borrow my Empire Records movie. So he came to my house and we sat in his truck for a lil bit listneing to music. Im extremely happy cuz of him.. its crazy.. i really like him! Current Mood: loved (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 31st, 2004
1:36 am	Put Subject In This Line: Well I dont know what to say here... just the fact that last night is the last time I am staying up major late because of the fact I have school. Aimee and Nick kept me up alllll night till 5 AM. Then also since TJ hadnt called me back last night Aimee decided to not tell me and call him without me knowing. And she also keeps asking him if he likes me.... (Comment on this)
Monday, August 30th, 2004
2:41 pm	Mwaaahhhhhhhhaaaaaa Well I finally did it.. im done with Shawn. I had Aimee do it for me cuz I couldnt even get myself to hear his voice in my ears. So Im done with him and moving on. Guess what Aimee did Staurday night.. got TJ's fucking number! Well this is what happened. I have been talking about him a few times and she decided that it would be good if she played Matchmaker and tried to hook us up. So she call 411 and got the number of his work. She called him at work, asked if he has a girlfriend (he said no), and got his call phone number. She also told him that I would call him. So I called him last night and talked to him for like 1 hour. We have a lot of things in common, which is very good. I may hang out with him today... Current Mood: loved Current Music: "Promise"- Matchbook Romance (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 28th, 2004
12:48 pm	Am I surprising you?? Well Well Well.. writing in here again. Somehow I have a thing now where I have to write in here. Its like I all of a sudden want to add more entries. I think its becuase i finally put the link up to my livejournal on MySpace (http://profiles.myspace.com/users/4818649) which I have been going on a lot and meeting new people. I got myself a pen pal off there (Craig) and even met someone from Waterford which is only the town over from me. But anyways, Shawn called last night 2 times and I wasnt home. O well... i may have to tell him its over. I hate breaking up with people soooo much and I thought that since I havent talked to him now in a couple weeks that he'll get the hint. But I may have to tell him Im depressed and cant have a boyfriend for awhile. Then I have to tell him his plans for November cant happen. O well...thats all I can say to that. A few people have been gettting my attention. I got in a fight yesterday with my mom. Its kinda like shes forcing me to stay with him. She did suggest staying single for awhile but that doesnt mean I can have a few relationships she doesnt know about. She also thought that something happened when Shawn came up here that got me to stop liking him. She thought it was overnight that I stopped liking him and wouldnt listen when I tried telling her that i was htinking about it for a week. She got all pissed off and yelled in my face," you dont just stop liking someone overnight. Something happened when he came up here didnt it?" She wouldnt listen to me. Finally she just walked away and I went in my room and listened to August Premier. An hour later, she came in and asked me if I wanted hot dogs for dinner and the fight was done. I major headache last night and got a phone call from Aimee and Nick. I called Aimee this morning around 8:30 and asked her if shes ever tried dressing Nick up as a girl. i asked her that because i couldnt sleep and i waslooking at my wall. I looked at the picture of Jordin the most (RIP Jordin and Sarah) and then looked above that one at the one of Nick and Bill. I was thinking he would look good dressed up like a girl. The other night though, Aimee told me when Nick went to pick her up from work, him and his friend AJ were wearing Aimee's bras and panties. Nick had a thong on!!!! AJ had a bra on and the thongs and stuff were hanging all over the inside of the car. I laughed hysterically. I really dont get myself. For some odd reason, I get bored with certain people really easy. It has happened with Tim, Lowell, Rob, and now even Shawn. Is there just something about these guys I go out with that makes me just not want to be with them. I dont know what to do anymore. I hope that the next few guys i do go out with I dont get bored with. I do like a few guys now and i dont know what to do. Current Mood: calm Current Music: "Promise"- Matchbook Romance (Comment on this)
Friday, August 27th, 2004
12:37 pm	For some reason Im tired Well its been awhile since I wrote in here and I thought I didnt have a reason to anymore but i actually do. Everything from the summer is slowly fading away. People are getting back to their regular schedules, doing things they dred to do and stuff like that. I, on the other hand, have been trying desparatley to get back to my sleeping habits for school starting on September 7th with little luck. I still can get used to the going to bed early and getting up early thing. All summer I have been going to bed at 5,6,7 AM and getting up at noon. It doesnt help when you get calls ALLLLL night from your ex and their new "partner". But they know I have school coming up, so they are calling me ealier than usual for it. I also have yet to go shopping for clothes and supplies. I know I sould like a little kid right now, but I only have this time and one more time to go shopping for school then I'll be out. Wondering with the whole thing with Shawn right? Well hes gone.. out of my relationship with him. I'm rather find myself a good emo type guy with piercings, tattoo's, stuff like that. I dont look at Shawn like a boyfriend anymore. There are a few guys that have been catching my attention. The person that every time I talk to him again gets me to like him is Phil. I swear he's like perfect for me. We have LOTS of things in common. Music is a mjor thing for me and with people i usually talk about music (Kayla) and I couldnt do that with Shawn. We had 2 totally different tastes. With Phil, its like every band I like he does also and i can sit there and talk about my music like i want and he'll do the same. its awsome that I can do that with him. Well with guys, theres TJ and Anthony. TJ and Anthony both work at Subway. I met TJ a couple months ago when i went there one day for dinner. He started talking about music with me and told me I should go to one of his shows sometime. So ever since then, he's always been happy to see me and shit. Anthony on the other hand, I have had a little crush on since October. i go to school with him and i've been noticing him since then. But like 2 months ago was the first time I actually talked to him and he's actually realized that I am a person. I love it though. But I dont know anymore. O yeah, I was planning on seeing my friends from SARCASM next month at Winners, but the show got cancelled. I got upset cuz i really wanted to see James and the rest of them. But they are trying to get a show like the next day or sumthing with more bands, which is good cuz I havent seen them since June and I miss hanging out with them. A good thing though is that Kayla told me that james was talking about me( not in a bad way). I should get going.... Current Mood: good Current Music: "You're So Last Summer" -tbs (Comment on this)
Friday, August 6th, 2004
3:06 pm	I'm sitting here crying here..... Today is the day I have been dreading for the past month sicne the accident, Jordin's 19th birthday. I have been sincerely crying since I realized what day it was. I got up this morning like it was a normal day and didn't actually realize it was this day until around 1 PM when I talked to my friend Doug. After that, I have been feeling horrible. I did get to talk to my exboyfriend James today which was definately weird cuz of the fact that i was in love with him for a long time. Shawn tried to make me feel better, and it worked for a lil while. So now I am talking to Craig who is doing a good job so far. Current Mood: sad Current Music: "Walking On Broken Glass"- MEST (Comment on this)
Monday, August 2nd, 2004
6:07 pm	long time... Im here again and i havent written in here for awhile now. What can i say? Things have been ok, except for the occasional breaking down and crying. I really miss Jordin and Sarah. I wish they never had to leave! I also miss Derek a lot. I havent talked to him since last month and Im still assuming hes in rehab getting himself better. I just wish nothing will happen to him. He means a lot to me. At this point, he is my support (other than Shawn) and I need him. He's always been there for me thru thick and thin and I'll always be there for him. Life isnt the same anymore and never will. I just came back from my aunts in Worcester today. I went there Thursday and came back today. We went down to Pawtucket and I seen where Nick lives and where Jordin lived. I wish i knew where Derek lived cuz then I would have gone to his house. I hope everything is okay with him.... Jordin and Sarah are always on my mind, 24/7 and I cant stop it. Sumtimes at night when I am thinking about them, I just break down and start crying really hard. It kinda feels like its my fault they died, but I know that it's not. Everything happens for a reason and there must be a reason why they were taken from us. Its just so har to think,"wow they're not with us anymore. I cant just call Jordin up anymore and talk to her every night like I did before." She sat there and listened to me every night complaining about Nick, but at the same time how I loved him. Things happen and you cant change the past. I think i need to get ahold of Derek now and talk to him so i can go down there. Current Mood: blank Current Music: "She"- Justin Helmecamp (Comment on this)
Monday, July 26th, 2004
5:21 pm	long time.. i know Well its been while since I've written in here. I have mostly been on MySpace just adding friends to my friends list. Plus I havent been really in the mood for writting too much. With the whole thing with the accident, I havent been myself. I am still friends with Nick and I'm also friends with Aimee. Also, I havent talked to Derek and Im assuming that hes in rehab getting himself help because I asked him to do it for me. So I am happy that hes doing that... I've got a few people after me, but I am with one. Shawn. He came up this weekend to see me. We had fun. Current Mood: sick Current Music: "New American Classic"- tbs (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
5:37 pm	hey I kno that last time I was very upset. I took some time for myself and was only responding to very few people. I was pretty much only talking to Kayla and Derek. I really didnt want to deal with all the people from Cohoes. It was just sooo hard to do anything. But I am better now, actually going to places. Im guna try to go to my aunts house soon so i can see my new lil cousin. It's just that now I am not as upset as I was and I am actually helping Derek. He really needs someone there and I am there. I talk to him usually every day. Samantha Current Mood: tired Current Music: "Sense of the Real Me"- SARCASM (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 8th, 2004
1:37 pm	I dont care anymore I dont even kno why im writing in here right now. I dont care about anything anymore. I dont have any reason to be happy anymore. Every time i go out with a guy they cheat on me or use me or sunthin. I just cant deal with guys too much anymore. I really want Justin now....He's soo nice and everything. But yeah.. i have been upset now for almost a week. I havent written what happened because I've been soo upset and every time i think about it i get upset and start crying. Well here's what happened. Last week Jordin and sarah were supposed to come and get me to go down the Rhode Island. So all thursday i was waiting for them and they never showed up. So i was wondering where they were and so was Nick, Derek, Nicks mom, everyone. Saturday night i get a phone call at 3:30 AM(actually early sunday morning)from Amy, the girl that Nick kept telling me he was just good friends with her. She introduced herself as Nicks g/f. So that kinda upset me. She told me that Jordin and Sarah got in a car accident and died. So that made me start shaking. I didnt actually cry till Sunday afternoon. But yeah.. i get the main details a few days later from Derek. That made me soo upset. So now i've lost 2 best friends. But im going... (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 3rd, 2004
1:54 pm	hey I kno i havent written in awhile cuz i have been on MySpace meeting new people and getting to kno people. I have soo many more friends now. I met all these people that are really nice and people that i get along with. But i gotta go. Samantha Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 30th, 2004
1:17 pm	what do you think of me now? I am honsetly and truely ready to get out of new York for a couple weeks. guna get out of here and have fun. I really hope my plans with Jordin dont get screwed up. Things that are bad usually happen to me. But i have nothing to say today..... Current Mood: bored Current Music: "A Favor House Atlantic"- Coheed and Cambria (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 29th, 2004
1:39 pm	I need to pack..... Ok, everything with Nick is all fixed. We started going back out a few hours after I wrote in here yesterday. I cant tell anyone that we are unless they ask and he wants to tell them when Im down there. Its ok...... im leavign to go down there Thursday most likely. I hope this time my plans dont get fucked up. But its Sarah and Jordin that are coming to get me instead. This kid Kyle down there wants me and keeps asking them questions about me. Im kinda freaked out. Jordin said i should try going out with him but i dont want to cuz I really wanna be with Nick. It's ok tho.....i got him back now and everything is all good. I talked to him last night and hes all worried that im nto happy with him when I actually am. How the fuck am i guna explain the jordin the whole thing with Nick???? She's guna be telling me that i deserve better and all this stuff. But she doenst understand that i dont want anyone else but him. he makes me soo happy. I cant honestly like anyone else. its so weird. But i have to get going...........im still tired.. maybe go sleep sum more. Current Mood: tired Current Music: "Ghost Man On Third"- TBS (Comment on this)
Monday, June 28th, 2004
12:31 pm	"What's your problem, Can't you see it.." Ok, Im here again to write whats been happening for the past 3 days. Friday night i did break up with Nick and after it happened I realized that it was a big mistake and got all upset about it. Saturday we (me, Kayla, and her mom) left here about 3:00 PM and were on our way to West Haven, Connecticut. That was a longer ride than I thought! So we got there and tried to figure out where the door was to get upstaires into the place. The show was in a recoding studio and the room was small, had a couch that was very comfortable, and a chair, then the space to perform. So the first band had some problem. There was the bassist guitar string breaking, then the osund problems. The second band, they were crazy.... not too much the drummer but the guitarist....Then Sarcasm went on and played. They did really good and I got pictures. My camera ran out of film so Kayla said she'd get some pics for me. That was awsome of her. She also took pics of my and people from the band at the end of the night. Tyler, the kid I met at the first show put his number at in my cell phone and sat there the whole night makign me laugh. After the end of the show, Kayla, her mom, and me went to Denny's for dinner and ate. I kinda felt sick after eatting tho. I cant never eat any meals anymore. Its weird. I got home at 4:45 AM sunday! I slept until i think about 3:00 PM and hung out. I was sooo upset that i broke up with Nick that i was freaking out and tried getting ahold of him. i finally did at 2:00 AM sunday night and he did talk to me. i was so happy that he talked to me. I may go back out with him cuz he still loves me and everything and i still love him. I tried liking another guy but it didnt work. SO im hoping today when i call his house (his mom let him move back in.. yay!) that he will say he wants to be with me and we can start going out again. Im soo worried tho hes guna say no. He most likely will say yes cuz last night he kept saying he cant and i kept talking and he started saying he'll think about it and all this shit. You dont even understand how much i wanna be with him and the fact i am supposed to go down there still i think this week, that makes me wanna be with him even more. he makes me happy. i swear he thinks that he doesnt deserve me and i can get better than him. I dont want anyone else but him tho. The one guy i do want makes me think about nick soo much cuz they know eachtother and nick knows i like him also (considering its Joel from Good Charlotte, i think hes adorable and cute...dont make fun of me). i couldnt really sleep on Sunday tho... i kept thinking about nick...i really like him. i cant wait till i can go see him and be all happy instead of being stuck here all alone with no one to talk to...well i have to stop now.....cant think of anything else to say. Current Mood: refreshed Current Music: "Only One"- Yellowcard (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 26th, 2004
10:50 am	I'm ok... I'm ok.. I'll Keep telling myself that.... Ok, me and Nick are officially over. I did come to the conclusion that I would break up with him. But then thinking about it afterwards, I didnt kno if i actually wanted to. So i called his house later for Jordin and he answered. So we got in the big arguement for a few minutes and he said it wasnt guna work and I didnt say no, but i agreed. He told me he didnt even want to be friends with me. it would be hard for him or sunthing. So he doesnt want to talk to me and thinks he shouldnt talk to me. But ok, then there are a few people after me now and I dont know what to do. I got this one kid from a band who likes me now and wants me to go to one of his shows. i may. Then later im going to see Sarcasm again and I cant wait. So my peoplez from the band and hang out........ Current Mood: excited Current Music: "This Disaster"- NFG (Comment on this)